Darcy's Proposal
by keloryn
Summary: A glimpse into Darcy's thoughts during his proposal to Lizzie. My First Fic


"In vain I have struggled

**Disclaimer**: The dialogue and characters belong to Jane Austen.

After finally escaping Lady Catherine's ranting, Darcy marched towards Hunsford. He walked at a brisk pace, eager to see the "fine eyes" that so often plagued his thoughts. Darcy had vast hopes for this meeting. It seemed to him that his entire happiness rested on the approaching moment, the moment in which he would bare his feelings to Elizabeth. He could only hope that his feelings would be accepted, if not reciprocated.

After reaching the door Darcy knocked softly, the soft sound severely contrasting the excitement he felt inside. When no one answered Darcy let himself in to the humble house. He did not search long before he found Elizabeth in the sitting room.

When he first entered Elizabeth seemed excited, but soon after her figures clouded with disappointment. _"Who else had she been expecting?"_ Darcy quickly pushed such thoughts to the back of his mind; he would worry about them later.

He began asking her trivial questions about her family, health, and the weather. He attempted to sit down, but nervousness soon consumed him and he took to pacing the room. After what seemed liked an eternity of awkward moments, Darcy broached the subject he had really come to discuss.

He started by exclaiming passionately, "In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."

Darcy observed that his statement seemed to startle Elizabeth; she seemed confused by it. But after her confusion dissipated slightly she began to respond.

"In such cases as this, it is, I believe, the established mode to express a sense of obligation for the sentiments avowed, however unequally the may be returned. It is natural that the obligation should be felt, and if I could _feel _gratitude, I would now thank you. But I cannot—I have never desired your good opinion, and you have most certainly bestowed it most unwillingly. I am sorry to have occasioned pain to anyone. It has been most unconsciously done, however, and I hope will be of short duration. The feelings which, you tell me, have long prevented the acknowledgement of your regard, can have little difficulty in overcoming it after this explanation."

Her refusal stunned Darcy, for though he had not been sure of her feelings; he had felt sure that his proposal would be accepted. He was a man of consequence, with vast property and assets to offer his wife. Such security would be a blessing given the situation of Miss Bennet's family.

After he had regained some semblance of composure, he answered, "And this is all the reply which I am to have the honour of expecting! I might, perhaps, wish to be informed why, with so little _endeavour _at civility, I am thus rejected. But it is of small importance."

Darcy's reply only served to anger Elizabeth further as she venomously rebutted, "I might as well enquire why with so evident a design of offending and insulting me, you chose to tell me that you liked me against your will, against your reason, and even against your character? Was not this some excuse for incivility, if I _was _uncivil? But I have other provocations. You know I have. Had not my own feelings decided against consideration would tempt me to accept the man, who has been the means of ruining, perhaps forever, the happiness of a most beloved sister?"

She paused briefly, but Darcy did not think it wise to interrupt her now. He would let her explain herself fully before he attempted to reply. And so she continued her angry rant.

"I have every reason in the world to think ill of you. No motive can excuse the unjust and ungenerous part you acted _there_. You dare not, you cannot deny that you have been the principal, if not the only means of dividing them from each other, of exposing one to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, the other to its derision for disappointed hopes, and involving them both in misery of the acutest kind." After he did not respond she asked, "Can you deny that you have done it?"

Her words had told him something he was surprised to hear Jane had cared for Bingley. However, this revelation did not make him regret how he had acted at the time.

Thus he answered confidently, "I have no wish of denying that I did everything in my power to separate my friend from you sister, or that I rejoice in my success. Towards _him_ I have been kinder than towards myself."

His response may have closed the subject, but it did not keep Elizabeth from opening a far more painful subject.

"But it is not merely this affair on which my dislike is founded. Long before it had taken place, my opinion of you was decided. Your character was unfolded in the recital which I received many months ago from Mr. Wickham. On this subject, what can you have to say? In what imaginary act of friendship can you here defend yourself? Or under what misrepresentation, can you here impose upon others?"

"You take an eager interest in that gentleman's concerns", this statement escaped Darcy with such venom that even he was shocked. His hatred of the man had combined with his jealousy to make him very vexed indeed.

"Who that knows what his misfortunes have been, can help feeling an interest in him?"

"His misfortunes!" Darcy was shocked. What misfortunes had Wickham endured that could evoke such sympathy from Elizabeth. All of the "misfortunes" that Darcy knew of had been a direct result of Wickham's own stupidity. It was with this confusion that Darcy replied, "Yes, his misfortunes have been great indeed." The sarcasm dripped from his every word.

"And of your infliction, you have reduced him to his present state of poverty, comparative poverty. You have with held the advantages, which you must know to have been designed for him. You have deprived the best years of his life, of that independence which was no less his due than his desert. You have done all this! And yet you can treat the mention of his misfortunes with contempt and ridicule." The energy with which Elizabeth refuted him shocked Darcy. What lies had Wickham fed her?

After considering what Elizabeth had told him Mr. Darcy could understand her feelings. She had judged his character to be taciturn, proud, and displeasing. And she had been deceived regarding his actions. However, he still felt that her refusal was founded upon his confession of doubt.

He spoke bitterly when he said, "And this is your opinion of me! This is the estimation in which you hold me! I thank you for explaining it so fully. My faults, according to this calculation, are heavy indeed! But perhaps, these offences might have been overlooked, had not your pride been hurt by my honest confession of the scruples that had long prevented my forming any serious design. These bitter accusations might have been suppressed, had I with greater policy concealed my struggles, and flattered you into the belief of my being impelled by unqualified, unalloyed inclination; by reason, by reflection, by everything. But disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just. Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of you connections? To congratulate myself on the hope of relations, whose condition in life is so decidedly beneath my own?"

Elizabeth corrected his assumptions by saying, "You are mistaken, Mr. Darcy, if you suppose that the mode of your declaration affected me in any other way, than as it spared me the concern I might have felt in refusing you, had you behave in a more gentleman-like manner."

Darcy was too furious to respond, and Elizabeth continued vehemently, "You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to except it."

"From the very beginning, from the first moment I may almost say, of my acquaintance with you, your manners impressing me with the fullest belief of your arrogance, your conceit, and your selfish disdain of the feelings of others, were such as to form that ground-work of disapprobation, on which succeeding the events have built so immoveable a dislike; and I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed upon to marry."

When Darcy had had enough he stopped her. He said with finality, "You have said quite enough, madam. I perfectly comprehend your feelings, and have now only to be ashamed of what my own have been. Forgive me for having taken up so much of your time, and accept my best wishes for your health and happiness."

Darcy left Hunsford in a frenzy of emotion. He was angry, confused, and broken-hearted. Her words tormented him, and he could not forget her complete lack of affection.

Darcy was only sure of three things. One, he must leave Kent as soon as possible. Two, he must find a way to explain the truth to her. Perhaps, a letter would suffice. And finally, he was sure that he would love Elizabeth Bennet forever. He knew that someday he might find another woman and settle down, but a part of his heart would always long for his Lizzie.


End file.
